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What Women Want: The single man's dating guide.
About Men, Women, and Sex
What Women Want: The single man's dating guide.About Men, Women, and Sex |
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By about 30,000 years ago, our ancestors had greatly increased in number and had evolved in body and brain very close to the physical likeness we are today. Very few physical changes have occurred in human bodies over the past 30,000 years. That means we are still using a body and brain design that is approximately 30,000 years old! Some women complain that men's behaviors have not improved much since then either!
The primary reason for the differences between men and women today is due to how our ancestors lived and survived in the past. Ancient men were the hunters who concentrated on ways to effectively stalk, kill and transport home the catch-of-the-day for the family group or tribe. Hunting was serious business and required creativity, cleverness, patience, and physical endurance. However, it did not require much talking or interaction with other men at a personal level.
Ancient men were mostly interested in success as a hunter and survival. The best hunters were very important for the group's survival. The best hunters were greatly respected and valued so they had the power to control the group. This rewarding position at the top of the group came with some privileges.
In the ancient past, achieving high status as a great hunter and provider for the group got a man the best of what was available in the group. That usually meant he had first choice in food, comfort, and as much sex as he wanted. That was the best life one could hope for in those bleak times. (Sounds pretty good even today!) Therefore, men competed for the rewarding position at the top of their group hierarchy. Of course most men had to settle for some lesser level in the group hierarchy. However, everyday provided new opportunities to raise one's status, so men became very competitive.
Today's men still compete to achieve status and raise to the top of whichever groups are important in their daily life. This male drive for superiority is usually all too evident in groups of family, friends, neighborhoods, and on the job. However, today's men cannot easily prove that they are the best hunter of mastodons. Instead, many of today's men try to show their high status by succeeding in a career, displaying expensive possessions, or just bragging, exaggerating, and lying.
Men are very aware of their hierarchical position with other men in a group. One's perceived position in small groups is very evident in body language. Body language happens unconsciously and is one of the best indicators of how one really feels in relation to others in the group. It is very easy to watch men in a group and to identify who is the Alpha Male leader and who are the "followers". This dominance body language, and other interesting subjects, are covered in some detail at my other web site:
In ancient times while the men were away on the daily hunt, the women tended the children and worked in groups for safety while gathering seeds, roots, berries, and nuts. These daily activities helped women develop a high skill for spreading their attention among several activities and people at once. They talked much of the time while doing their chores and improved their relationships within the group of women. It was very important for a woman to be accepted by the other women in the group for her continued survival. For thousands of generations, a key skill learned by each female living in groups was how to get along with the other female group members. Females learned to cooperate rather than compete. Equal and harmonious relationships within the group was the best way for women to survive in those hard times.
Today's modern women still place a high priority on maintaining good relationships even though it is not necessary to insure their survival.
Men and women are loaded with DNA programmed for living and mating in an ancient world very different than today's world. This old DNA causes men and women to behave today in ways greatly influenced by their ancestors.
The ancient DNA programming for high status is evident in many men. The dearth of competative male activities is good evidence. Most of today's men use their brain or brawn to accomplish things that demonstrate their superiority in some field or task. This gives them a boost in status, at least in their mind.
Many men still strive to prove themselves as the greatest hunter today. Interestingly, it is common practice for a dating man to take his woman to an expensive restaurant. An abundance of food given to the woman unconsciously demonstrates what a great hunter and provider he is! That is meant to impress her with his high status so she will give him what he really wants, and it is not food he wants! This still is largely true: "Men trade food for sex and women trade sex for food."
Women are multi-taskers and can talk and do several things at the same time. For women, relationship-building is generally a part of every activity with everyone. Women build relationships by freely talking about their daily trivia and troubles. "I will tell you about my life and troubles, and you may tell me about yours so that we can be really close." This unconsciously reassures them they have a good relationship, and are safe and will survive.
When a woman tries to build a relationship with a man by talking about her personal life and problems, men don't understand what is happening. Men hear women's problems as a request for advice, so men respond with a solution. When a man offers his recommended solution to her problem, the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off. Women do not see a relationship developing with the man who wants to "fix her problems." Women don't want to be fixed, they want to be heard!
What a woman needs before opening up completely to a man is a feeling of security and better chances for survival. In her mind (i.e. DNA programming) this is best achieved through a close relationship with a high status male. Unfortunately many men don't understand the signals for modern-day status and relationship building.
Fact 1:
Today's men and women are programmed in different ways for surviving and mating. Each will seek sex in different ways.
Their needs are largely unconscious and expressed in their preferences and behaviors when seeking a mate. Men are independent, competitive, and strive to raise their status in order to get what they want. Women cooperate and establish good relationships to get what they want.
Understanding these differences can greatly aid both men and women in finding and creating what they want in their ideal mate. A better understanding of their differences will help insure a longer and more satisfying life together.
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